Sunday, November 30, 2008

As it looks right now.

Sam Handwhich
MPTH v3.0
Nasheville Toupee
Minters HH
80's Babies

All have a shot at the playoffs. The rest of you suck ass (barring some kind of miracle for The Crows and The Express tonight/tomorrow).

Trying to do some prognosticating...

MHH should definitely be in due to his huge point outburst this week (even with a loss next week).

The same should hold true for The Handwhich and MPTH v3.0; they both should score enough points between this week and next to remain safe for the playoffs (even with a loss).

For the Toupee, it's easy; win and you're in.

Where it gets interesting is that the Toupee and the 80's babies will have the exact same total score heading into next week; an 80's win coupled with a Toupee loss will result in a tie-breaking scenario which comes down to total points.

Of course, it's possible that any one of the top four teams could lose next week and the Bebbees could have a huge outburst to overtake them, but at this point their best hope is that the Hella monsters actually show up to play (I know, I know...).

More than likely I'll be doing a live blog of the points next week, so that we can get a sense of who's in and who's out.

Keep in mind, everything I just wrote is essentially moot if the Admir0l or Il Tino actually pull a miracle tonight (not exactly moot, there are just more permutations to look at).

Thoughts on Shawn Taylor getting retired...

I think its hilarious all the discussion of Plaxico shooting himself on the weekend where the Giants play the Skins, who are I THINK retiring Taylor's jersey.
What exactly did he do except die?
Was he a philanthropist? Did he do anything beyond the probable mandatory NFL time w. the United Way ?
What about the 200+ other people in DC that got murdered last year?
Whatever. Garbage.
He's no Arland Williams.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Well, the Cowboys played tight for 3 quarters

But as the Chargers discovered this season, games last 60 minutes.

BTW -- does ANY team in the Big 12 play defense?

Well, the Beavs are getting crushed by 20 @ half

and USC is putting a good, old fashioned ass whoppin' on Notre Dame.
Cursed Pac 10.

Anyway, OSU up 10-7. Go Cowboys!

***SAN***
Yoiks. Were the Ducks & Beavers playing basketball??? HFS.

Hell yeah beeches !!! Go PACK!!!

What I really loved was them mentioning the difference in turnovers year to year.
It has REALLY felt good to not be driving and having Evans toss a pick.

Lets go bowling, beeches!!!

The first NCAA-sanctioned, post-season bowl game played in Washington, D.C., the first bowl game to take place this year, and the first-ever EagleBank Bowl, featuring Bethesda, Maryland-based EagleBank as the title sponsor. A focus of this inaugural and regional event is to honor the sacrifices made by all those who serve our country. We hope you will join us in making history.
Game Details:

11 am EST (broadcast live on ESPN)
December 20, 2008
Robert F. Kennedy Memorial Stadium (RFK)

Throughout this Web site you will find information on the game and buying tickets, other events, visitor and lodging information, sponsorships, volunteering and EagleBank Bowl news.

BUY YOUR TICKETS

Tickets are available through Ticketmaster at 202-397-SEAT or www.ticketmaster.com. Tickets range in price from $45 to $135. Here's the break down in price: Spectator, $45; Premium, $75; VIP, $100; Mezzanine, $110; Suite/Club/Box, $135.

The BCS is hilarious and makes me laugh.

So Texas wants OU to win but ugly so they can jump the Sooners.
The hilarity -- if OU loses, TT wins the Big 12 South and BOTH OU and Texas are fucked.
That is awesome.
Then there is the plane flying over Stillwater to remind people that Texas beat OU.
That too is awesome.

Also -- the OTHER OSU, my beloved Beavers, need to win against the Ducks to win the Pac 10 and fuck USC in their stupid arses. I'm not sure where this burgeoning hatred for USC came from, but its REALLY taken off this season.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Something else to be thankful for.



Not being a fickle UNC fan.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Things that I'm thankful for.

1) That I'm not going up against Chris Johnson this week.
2) That I'm not going up against Fat Lendale this week.
3) That Detroit turned a gimme fumble from a defensive touchdown into a whole offensive series.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Playoff Picture

I've cruched the numbers and, with two games left, got a clear idea of most everyone's paths to the playoffs.

Sam Hamwich - Playoff lock unless he pulls a Cliff Claven on Jeapardy! (94% chance)

Mustprotectthishouse3 - With all those points, she's a lock with a win (90%)

Minters Hard Hiters - Would be in were it not for the Spooner incident...win one & in (85%)

Nasheville Toupee - No told this guy there's no 'e' in Nashville fuckers...in the playoff lock with two wins or by outscoring 80's babies. Beating The Crows will help, too (75%)

80's Babies - You can't blame a season on any one player so we'll take the Andy Reid-Donovan McNabb pair...why pull him? Big game vs. Minter's Hard Hitters in Week 14 Best chance is beating Nashevill Toupee on the tie breaker (25%)

The Crows - Needs two wints and needs them to be by a lot. It helps that they play the weakest 7-5 team this week. (15%)

Spooner Express - Won't get the tie breakers this year...needs two wins plus two losses by a7-5 team. (10%)

Truth in Advertising - Those points and a match up with 80's babies help. Two wins plus two losses by Minter's Hard Hitters or Nasheville Toupees plus making up a 40 point differential make it possible. At least you get to play 80's Babies this week. (5%)

Terry Tate All Stars - Mathamatically it's possible. So are a lot of things (1%)

Hella Monsters - A true State fan...there's always next year.

Monday, November 24, 2008

HFS!!!!!

I think, regardless of Sweet Dee's calculations, that I MIGHT have beaten MHH!!!

Shit. As long as Colston only get 9 yards or less!!!!

70 FUCKING YARDS??????????????????
Who the fuck throws to their #1 receiver for 70 fucking yards????
RUN THE BALL YOU FUCKING BASTARDS!!!!

FUCK!!! WHY DID I DROP DUECE

LOL -- well, because I went to Moe's.
Anyway, I STILL think having Dunn & Cadillac against the Detroit defense was a good call.

Question for you golf junkies

If GM goes bankrupt, who is going to sponsor the Master ?

Race for last playoff slots coming down the the wire!

MPtH & the Handwhich seem to be locks for the playoffs, leaving a logjam for the 3rd & 4th slots. Assuming my game holds up against MHH (making assholes, I know), but here's how things would look:

3. Minters Hard Hitters 7-5 next opponents -- Sam Handwhich, 80s Babies
3. Nasheville Toupee 7-5 next opponents -- Crows, Hella Monsters
4. The 80's Babies 6-6 next opponents -- TIA, MHH
4. Spooner Express 6-6 next opponents -- Terry Tate, Sam Handwhich

Based on strength of schedule, Im thinking Sweet Dee has a lock, but then again, the Hella Monsters dropped 109 on me 2 weeks ago and the Crows dropped 105 on the 80s babies last week.
So if OU loses to OSU, USC loses to UCLA, UF loses to FSU and Missouri wins the Big 12, I still have an outside shot at making the playoffs for the 1st time ever.
Yes dears, this is my blog so I am only thinking of myself right now.
Maybe if the Handwhich benches a couple guys in 2 weeks...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Jeebus.

So at the end of the year party, I'm nominating myself for the "Person who left the most points on the bench" award.

Moss: 30+
Cassel: 30+

Fuck.
Me.

Anyway. I want a tee shirt, beeches.

Commence Texas BCS Whining...now!

So, even though UT beat OU at a neutral site, the poll voters will only remember one thing; OU hanging fitty on TTU.

At this point, we can only hope for complete BCS Armageddon:

1) UF loses to FSU, but beats Alabama in the SEC championship game
2) OU loses to Missouri in the Big XII championship game (I'm assuming OU gets in over Texas due to the fucked up tiebreakers they have in place per the Admir0l).
3) USC loses to UCLA

At that point, does Utah get to play for the BCS championship? Does UF still go? Does UT, by virtue of not having lost a second game, get to go even though they didn't win their conference title?

So many possibilities!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Well, the foosball team did their part...

now we have to see how the hoopsters do.

I'm not advocating belts again, but

these are pretty sweet uniforms (ours, not the fucktards from Clemson wearing t-shirts):

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fantasy ACC continued

SO if it's underhandedly acceptable for professional football players to take naps during film sessions - at what hourly rate are they getting paid to watch film at that point? Even the long snapper. . .

I can do a little entertainment while my kids take their bonding basics test.

Googled up this little diddy for your Fantasy considerations:

How It Works

Thursday, November 20, 2008

HFS.

Tech had nearly 500 yards... RUSHING.
Rushing.
Fuck.
Jee.
Bus.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

LOL- If Arizona is a bubble team and doesnt dance

The two jackasses on their team that both fouled with like 10 seconds left and the GAME WAS TIED are going to be the goats of the season.
Good.
Times.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Not sure who I bitched to about this....

I hate teams taking time outs to avoid the 5 yard delay of game, especially in the 1st and 3rd quarters.

Jeebus. Trent Edwards just threw his THIRD interception in the 1st quarter.

Only 42 more and the Commish will be pooning Sweet Dee.

Fantasy ACC

We talked about it...I would be willing to score/manage it for ACC games only, not this pre-season New Orleans crap. Any takers?

Sunday, November 16, 2008

So I really thought I was kidding about going 5-8.

Looks as if TIA is going to continue my streak of suckage.

Friday, November 14, 2008

F You USC.

Pac-10's run for the Rose Bowl heats up

Too funny:
"No. 6 Southern California finds itself in a strange position, the only team in the Pac-10 with a realistic shot at the BCS title game yet needing help to win the conference title in the form of an Oregon State loss."

Did Matt Cassel really drop 30 points last night???

And no one is playing him.
Wow.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

No Need to Play 'Em

I ran a statistical model to forecast our league's outcome. Remember, as they say in the financial world, past results don't reflect future performance. But if it did:

Mustprotecthishouse3.0 11-3
Sam Hamwich 10-4
Minters Hard Hitters 9-5
80's Babies 9-5
Nasheville Toupee 8-6
Terry Tate All Stars 7-7
Spooner Express 5-9
Truth in Advertising 5-9
The Crows 4-10
Hela Monsters 2-10

The most lop-sided matchup: Spooner Express vs. Minter's Hard Hitters (Week 13): Spooner has a mere 19% chance of winning

The closest matchup: Sam Hamwich vs. Minter's Hard Hitters (Week 14): Sam Hamwich should win but it's only 51.3% likely

Yeah for having 7% of a real life which inspires you to do crap like this.

Monday, November 10, 2008

I'm thinking AJ needs to get rid of McNabb NOW

We're closing in on week 12, and if history holds true, DM will blow out his knee very, very soon.

They really do love their SEC foosball.

Two dead in argument over Alabama-LSU game - USATODAY.com
EVERGREEN, Ala. (AP) — Authorities say an argument over Saturday's Alabama-LSU football game led to the shooting deaths of a couple at a home in south Alabama.

Prosecutors identified the victims as Dennis and Donna Smith of Brewton. The shooting happened about 7 p.m. Saturday at the home of Michael Williams in the rural community of Owassa.

Williams was arrested and charged with two counts of murder. He was being held Monday without bond. A sheriff's investigator did not know if he had an attorney.

Investigators told the Mobile (Ala.) Press-Register that Dennis Smith, an LSU fan, called Williams, an Alabama fan, after Alabama's 27-21 overtime win and an argument ensued.

The Smiths went to Williams' home. Investigators said 41-year-old Dennis Smith had a pistol and the 28-year-old Williams had a shotgun and fired. 39-year-old Donna Smith was a relative of Williams' girlfriend.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Go Beavers!!!

So I cant remember, but I THINK it was Oklahoma that lost to K State in their Conf. Championship game and yet still played for National Championship. I THINK they got beaten by Miami.
Anyway...
USC might not even win the PAC 10. HI-LARIOUS.
Fuck them and their blanking of the Cougs.
Thats right -- fuck you Pete Carrol and your no-shirt wearing man pile of gaye-ness.
PROP 8 BABY!!!!

So apparently tonight involves pulling for BOTH OSUs.
Go Beavers, Go Cowboys.

Good luck in the SEC Championship against 'Bama.

BTW -- many citizens of the SSTC&BFSG community have mentioned how horrible & stupid Les Miles is.
A- Greed.
The second time out - almost Amato-ish in it's usefulness.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Damn you Brandon Stokley!

So regardless of how you feel about Obama, doing something stupid and getting a 15 yard penalty that would allow the Browns to win would have been GREAT for us Bolts fans.
I only heard snippets of the game online -- something about Mike Shanahan nearing the end and basically going to Dallas. Might be conjecture -- those fuckers on the NFL network TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK.
Shut up and play.

That Kid Had Talent

Rest in Peace, dear Ryan Torain. Easily the most talented kid on my squad (and the most productive when averaged by the minutes played). He could've made my season were it not for last night's torn ACL. He was plucky.

Here's his stat line:

Quarters Played: 1.5
Carries: 12
Yds: 68
YPC: 5.7
TDs: 1

At least I can lean on DeAngello...I'm thinking Stewart has a stress fracture and is out of the year.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Sweet Dee....

You do know that you only get 32 total moves per season ???
Granted, we've only got 5 or 6 more games until playoffs, but you're at 27 now.
Good luck.

***SAN***
Sorry. Its 40.


Setting Value
League ID#:
League Name: Ironic Title 2008
Password:
Custom League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/ironic_title08
Draft Type: Offline Draft
Draft Time: Mon Sep 1 8:47am EDT
Max Teams: 20
Scoring Type: Head-to-Head
Start Scoring on: Week 1
Can't Cut List Provider: None
Max Moves: 40
Max Acquisitions per Week: No maximum
Max Trades: 10
Trade Reject Time: 2
Trade End Date: November 14, 2008
Trade Review: Commissioner
Waiver Time: 2 days
Post Draft Players: Free Agents
Playoffs: Week 15 and 16 (4 teams)
Roster Positions: QB, WR, WR, RB, RB, TE, W/R, K, DEF, BN, BN, BN, BN, BN
Stat Categories: Passing Yards (25 yards per point)
Passing Touchdowns (4)
Interceptions (-1)
Rushing Yards (10 yards per point)
Rushing Touchdowns (6)
Reception Yards (10 yards per point)
Reception Touchdowns (6)
Return Touchdowns (6)
2-Point Conversions (2)
Fumbles Lost (-2)
Offensive Fumble Return TD (6)
Field Goals 0-19 Yards (3)
Field Goals 20-29 Yards (3)
Field Goals 30-39 Yards (3)
Field Goals 40-49 Yards (4)
Field Goals 50+ Yards (5)
Point After Attempt Made (1)
Sack (1)
Interception (2)
Fumble Recovery (2)
Touchdown (6)
Safety (2)
Block Kick (2)
Points Allowed 0 points (10)
Points Allowed 1-6 points (7)
Points Allowed 7-13 points (4)
Points Allowed 14-20 points (1)
Points Allowed 21-27 points (0)
Points Allowed 28-34 points (-1)
Points Allowed 35+ points (-4)
Fractional Points: No
Negative Points: Yes

Monday, November 3, 2008

Pretty sure the Pick 6 @ the end sealed the deal

D. Anderson getting benched, Brady Quinn is in.

Any trades that are still out there -- I'm still willing to deal!!!

**SAN**
Crap. I forgot that MPTHv3.0 already had Aaron Rogers and would not need to wheel & deal on Joe Flaco.
Curse you!!!

Look at the elephantine memory on T Bone.

NC State 51, Texas Tech 48

"What a crappy way for the dream to die."

This trade has been rejected in Ironic Title 2008 (422782).

Spooner Express
Derek Anderson
Julius Jones

Sam Handwhich
Jay Cutler
Adrian Peterson

Comments from Sam Handwhich:
It has long been a secret dream of mine to have Julius Jones on my roster. And now I have a chance to make the dream a reality! I hope I don't accidently hit the 'reject trade' button. What a crappy way for the dream to die.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

WEAK!!!

This trade has been rejected in Ironic Title 2008 (422782).

Spooner Express
Derek Anderson
John Kasay

Terry Tate All Stars
Torry Holt
Felix Jones

Comments from Terry Tate All Stars:
Ummm no. Do I want my gravy to taste like butt? I have J Camp baby!

Good news!!!

Warrick Dunn -- HURT.
Kansas City -- worst run defense.
Go Ernest!!!

Even better!!!
Ahman Green -- HURT!!!

Playa. Hata.

This trade has been rejected in Ironic Title 2008 (422782).

Spooner Express
Shaun Alexander
John Kasay

mustprotecthishouse3
LenDale White
Shaun Suisham

More true words have never been said.

Spooner Express
Derek Anderson
Shaun Alexander

The 80's Babies
Frank Gore
Ben Roethlisberger

Comments from The 80's Babies:
was this a serious trade or were you hoping for me to accidently hit the accept trade button??!!!

Trying to spice things up, sent out a few trades...

Dont take too much time thinking about details!
Trade Deadline is Nov 14th !!1

Before you say no, just remember -- Shaun Alexander is a proven, MVP caliber talent.
When it comes down to brass tacks, what exactly have Frank Gore, Fat Lendale or Felix Jones REALLY done?
Squadoosh.
And... Im willing to throw in the #3 kicker in all of FF for shits & giggles.
Also... Derek Anderson has thrown TDs. Can Torry Holt or Shaun Swisham say that?
NO.

M.
A.
R.
S.

Mars beeches.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

If you didnt see the end of the Texas - Texas Tech game ... WOW

Wow. I dont care who they're playing...

the Oakies are already up 28-0 FIVE minutes into the game.
Five.
Minutes.
28.
0.

Wow.

*** SAN ***
So no hate from me for the SEC -- it may just be that having Texas as #1 we've gotten to see a lot more Big 12 games this year -- Mizzou & Kansas being good last year probably also helped.
But as we speak, TT is whoopin the shit out of UT. But Nebraska took TT to overtime and is being annihilated by OU. Wow. How is one to make heads or tails about the top 5 ???
I mean, OU is good. TT appears to be the real deal.
And in their defense - Texas aint too shabby. In terms of scheduling, having back to back to back to back ranked teams is kind of tough.
I guess Penn State runs the table and is in.
Then its gonna be a dog fight for that #2 slot. I got NOTHIN'. I have no idea how this is gonna shake out. I guess whoever in the SEC wins out will... win out. We'll see.

I'm still glad you're gone, dick.