Survival Football

So apparently the tie in the last survivor pool between myself and SinCityWolf was unsatisfactory. The Admirol left me a voice mail saying I should email my pick to the commish so we can break the tie. But I'm so proud of this pick that I'll post it here: the Miami Dolphins.

Aww silky silky!!!

Looks like I may have the Voodoo Cadillac on the ropes.
The Curse of the Favre appears to be overwhelming the Curse of the Forehead.

OK It's over!

Due to my inability to get any available tickets to the Army-Navy game, (family's contacts are actually going to the game) we will not be going. This is all my fault and I am pathetic for not making this happen. I feel great shame, and this adds another 3 months to not espousing the virtues of UF as I am a disgrace to the University. This makes it a total of 12 months between Don't taze me Guy, Erin Andrews vocabulary, Emmit Smith's ineptitude, and my inability to get Army/Navy tickets. Nine months remain on this total however.

More Handicapping Conundrums

The work contest this week has a free 200 point bonus pick. No penalty for an incorrect choice. The pick?

Navy -13.5 at Army

The line is just the right size to make a good argument for either side.

Not only am I watching this game with the RA; I'm dragging his poor East Coast ass to a bar at 9am to watch. My question for you is, just how pissed will he be if I choose Navy?

Play Offs

Do they start in 2 or 3 weeks?

Immediate thoughts on Mr. Taylor's demise.

So first off, the number of burglaries that happen in occupied homes = quite small.
The number of murders that happen between strangers = quite small.

This dude got whacked.

This is Interesting

Possibly the most exciting last week of fantasy football that I've ever seen. The only thing that would've made it better was if Big Ben failed to shit in his rain-soaked bed and then there was a five-way split for the play offs. All I can say is, Brett Farve completes me, he has saved me in every way that a Packers quarterback can save a man (5-0 as my starter).

Going into the half

The Commish is up 8.
Come on "D" !!!

11 minutes left -- Commish is up by 6 now.
Hopefully, Miami has at least 2 possession left to F-up.

Shit. Not only did the D not come through, Big Ben didnt pull enough puntas for the Lake Lizards to beat the Bakula.

Per the 'Uar -- In addition to an ambulance! HFS!

Taylor shot himself in the Jimmy!

Update: They have changed the story, and are now reporting he was shot in the Jimmy. Not that he shot himself.

Update 11/27: Umm lets just switch it to shot in the thigh and unfortunately he has passed on.

Crazy weekend of foosball.

It looks like, thanks to the Crows, that Mr. Pooler has lost.
Now, we just need Big Ben to not shit the bed and the 'Uar is taking an "L".

That leaves the Express vs. MPtH ver 2.0
Thanks to Donald Lee & Dwayne Bowe for strapping up for a combined 5 puntas.
The Commish is currently up 16, with Fast Willy on deck, who is expected to drop 13.
I have the Pitt D, which may or may not show up. So assuming Cleo Lemon gets shut out, sacked, picked, fumbles and gives up several sloppy TDs -- Im thinking this may be the 2nd closest game of the season that I once again end up losing.

Whatever happens, we have a three way tie for 2nd and a two way tie for 5th.

Next week, scratching and clawing for a playoff spots.
Express vs. the Voodoo Cadillac
MPtH ver 2.0 vs. Genuine Bakula
Sam Handwich vs. the giant killers // season destroying Lake Lizards

So this is what it feels like ....

To get bad calls going your way!
Go Pack.

Tebow for Heisman?

If anyone thinks someone else should win the Heisman, I'd be interested in opinions. A few stats just in case you aren't familiar.

51 Total touchdowns - 29 Passing, 22 Rushing. 3100+ yds Passing 800+ yds Rushing
- Shares the NCAA record for most rushing TD's by a QB (Should own that record with one game remaining)
- First player in NCAA history to pass and rush for 20+ TD's in a season (Should be 30/20 with one game remaining)
- Most total touchdowns in SEC History (I think some decent players have played in the history of the SEC but I'm not sure)
2nd in the country in Passing Effiency (Well they can't all be winners)
Florida leads the NCAA in 3rd down conversions. (If they need a conversion he makes the play)

Oh and when he breaks his hand during a game, he likes to play the rest of the game using that hand to stiff-arm 300lb Defensive Linemen

Best thing to come out of a crappy game.

Perhaps the best referee call of all time!

The Hyphen lighting up Shawne Merrimen

***
Apologies to the SCW for posting unwatchable videos

Go Buffs!

Shittiest National Championship in our lifetimes???

West Virginia Vs. Kansas???
Could it really be that bad?
Granted, Kansas is kind of exciting and scores a metric fuck ton of puntas, but KANSAS???

Now, Mizzu vs. WVU I can support.
Beeches.

Another idea for Pick Ups, Keepers & the Draft

Say you pick up Dwayne Bowe in week 12.
He can be kept with a 10th round pick.

My logic being, I want to keep Derek Anderson, and I'm trying to finagle some way to trick you gooney bastards into letting me keep him for a 4th round pick.

Live blogging the Detroit / Packers game

1st possession
Fucking Favre fucking fumbled.
How is he supposed to pass to "Craig" Jennings or Donald Lee, or get extra points kicked if HE DOESNT THROW THE FUCKING BALL!!!

2nd possession
3 & out.

3rd possession.
3 & out.

END OF FIRST FUCKING QUARTER.

Interception of Kitna, 4th possession
There we go!! 7 points for Jennings, 1 for the kicker!!!

5th possession - 80 yards to go !!! 15 total possible pnts!!!
NO!!! YOU SUM BEECH! Quit throwing to Donald Driver!
15 total points - I got 1.

6th posssesion
3 & out. Who the fuck is K. Hall and why is he getting my yards???

7th possession - 80 yards to go !!! 15 total possible pnts!!!
There's 1! And another to D. Lee - stopped at the 2!!!
Field Goal !!!

Going into halftime -- 14 points. Nice.

2nd Half
8th possession - 80 yards to go !!! 15 total possible pnts!!!
Fucking Donald Driver is KILLING ME!!! He's got 100 yds already.
That and the fact Favre has gone to 7 fucking receivers.
NICE!!! Jennings gets his 2nd TD!!! +1 Point After!!!
21 pts. so far.
(As an aside, why did I not pick Hanson back up after his bye???)

9th possession - 80 yards to go !!! 15 total possible pnts!!!
2 for Jennings. Fuck! Who is R. Martin and why is he stealing my points!!! Oh well. Crosby hits the PAT. That gives me the 24 I wanted from this game.
Everything else = gravy. Hopefully they'll start short passing & take FGs.

10th possession - 66 yards to go!!! 13 total possible pnts! Whats it gonna take to get Donald Driver out of the fucking game !

This is it - 4th Quarter!!! Light it up, beeches!
Excellent - Good hold by Detroit ! Crosby hits the FG!

Shit - gotta convert on 3rd if you plan to runt he ball, beeches.

BEST OF ALL POSSIBLE WORLDS!!!
Detroit drives down, within 8 - now GB has to drive & score.
Excellent. Another 2 pts for Greg Jennings!
Fucking perfect - Detroit stops Grant at the 1!
FG is good!!!

Looks like 31 or 32 pts.
Nice

Calvin Johnson and the riddle of the Keeper

So I dropped Calvin. If I pick him up, am I able to keep him using the slot I drafted him at, or am I FitA ? What What ??? In da butt.

Thats right. I did it. Again.

Dwayne Bowe is back on the Express.

SCW needs your help

We have a weekly pick 'em contest at work. Pretty simple, any 3 picks per week from all of college and NFL games worth 100 points a piece. This is Vegas, so of course it's -110 points for a loss. The SCW is currently in 2nd place; however, the difference between 2nd and 5th is less than 100 points. I'm way out of first place, so I need to invoke the Stone Cold Mortal Lock Pick of the Year. Allowed only once per season per sport (college and pro), the SCML is worth 700 points. You guessed it, -770 for a loss. I suddenly realized I've only got 2 weeks left of college plus bowls. Here are the lines I'm tempted by this week:

Texas -5 at Texas A&M
Oregon -2 at UCLA
VaTech -3.5 at UVA
Washington -5.5 at home v. Wazzou
Connecticut +17 at WVU

I'm also liking
Seattle -3 at St. Louis
KC -5.5 at Oakland

Any thoughts? Am I discounting any tough places to play? A lot of favorites on the road here.

HFS!!! THERE'S ONLY 3 WEEKS LEFT IN FF!!!

So I have MPtHv2.0, the VC and the Smallville Crows on tap.
I was thinking I could manage to squeeze into the playoffs, but it looks like 1 more loss and Im toast. Shit. I hate stress.

Survival Bowl is down to Pooler and the SCW.

Not really sure who to pull for, or more importantly, against.
Both of them have cushy assed jobs w. great medical & dental, vacation & sick time, and a hella retirement benefits.
But Pooler's carbon footprint is bigger, since he has been tossing out diapers for the past 8 years, giving him a slight edge over the SCW who drinks only Guinness to support Nobel Laureate Algore.
Gotta go with the dude who is killing more polar bears.

Get to work, SCW !!!


***SITE ADMIN NOTE***
A certain person with access to a certain machine that may or may not have leveled half of Chile last week has demanded a recount.
Pooler, you're my boy, and you were with me through both the whole "Kit Kat" episode and the call the the Chancellor bitching about expansion but I gotta let her win or she'll most likely scramble Gastonia from orbit.
I love my momma Pooler! Let her win!!! Choose Miami against Cleveland!!!

When I said I was benching my whole team...

I may have been high on generic Tussin.
Now, it comes down to a battle betwixt myself & the Commish herself for the 4th and final playoff spot.
Mon frere, I must protect THIS house.

It looks like an even battle between Sam Handwich & the Crows.
Go Crows.

Then, I really need Coach to pull another one out of his ass and whoop up on the Bakula to tighten the race into a 3 way 2nd place battle.

Wow.

On New England's last two offensive TD drives, the Patriots went for it on fourth down as the Buffalo crowd shouted obscenities clearly aimed at Belichick.

"Coach says he puts you out there to score when you touch it," Brady said. "He doesn't put you out there to punt."

Belichick also is driving his stars hard, including Brady and Moss, who he described after the game as "pretty good players."

If Anyone was thinking otherwise.

Moss is the best. Period. He saw T.O. and said I'll do that in one half instead of one game, thank you very much. Oh and he decided to play defense at the end of the half instead of the end of the game too. Will he even play the second half? Probably, because Belicheck is a dick.

Oh and before tongiht's game MPTH2 97, OTN 52. That's quickly dying. After the first half, it 97-81 Only 16 more points to go. Good luck with that. GB Out!

Welcome to Wolfpack Basketball

At least the freshman beast had another beastly game.

This is kind of interesting

Strength of Schedule rankings.

Hmm... if only we hadn't led the nation in turnovers.

Wow. Kansas vs. LSU for BCS championship???

I would prefer if Mizzu can pull of the Big 12 championship.
Go Tigers!

Keepers

So, how do keepers work for waiver wire pick ups? Let's say, for example, my keepers were Brandon Jacobs and Larry Johnson. Brandon Jacobs was MY 5th pick, so he sacrifices my 4th pick next year, right? But I got Larry Johnson off the waiver wire and he was someone's 1st pick. Does that mean I'm losing a 1st pick, a 12th pick, or something in between?

We're getting jerseys, Beeches!!!

Apologies to Sin City Wolf, who cant watch YouTube
Cleveland Rocks!!!

What Happened

Earlier in the week Genuine Bakula had 855 points; quite mysteriously, it dropped to 854. What's up with that? I only note it because it gives me a tie breaker advantage.

Maybe the Curse of the Favre aint so bad

Maybe.

The Sex Cannon is back!

You can't go against Rexy baby! Much like you can't continue to bet against winless teams. It'll bite ya in the arse. He's back to Unleash the Dragon.

Am I the Only One?

Am I the only one who is extremely bothered that the third-highest scoring team is tied for second-to-last? I think this strikes at the credability of Yahoo! Fantasy Football.

Lateral Collateral?

I can honestly say I've never heard of that ligament before. Sounds totally made up. Meanwhile I apologize to the Rear and Sidekick, for getting this one wrong. I called Peterson getting hurt Week 11 not Week 10.
Pooler - I can also honestly say I am now looking forward to playing you this week.

Peterson. Out. Beeches.

***SITE ADMIN NOTE***
Its trew! Its trew!

Cursed by the Forehead

So Im fairly certain that my offer to trade the Forehead angered his JuJu zombie spirit. Somehow, he communicated his menin, his dreadful wrath, to the other members of the Spooner Express, and they all decided to shit the bed on me yesterday.

Be that as it may, I am willing to do some kind of penance to bring good fortune and a fruitful harvest, and most especially a top 4 finish in the league.

Following the path Homer laid out 4500 years ago, I will suit up as Manning next Sunday and most likely be killed. Then, Manning comes out, kills Tom Brady, drags his body around the stadium, and is shot and killed by Bridget Moynihan.

Its the price one pays for pissing off the Forehead.
Beeches.

Spooner Express vs. Genuine Bakula

Express vs. Backula

G Jennings 6 -- B Marshall 8
H Miller 13 -- Winslow 9 , Holmes 5
Curtis 2 -- McNabb 26
Defense 0 or Neg, Crosby 10 -- Steve Jackson 17 , R Bush 9

31 -- 74

Ouch.

Thoughts on next season

Giving 1 pt per 3rd down conversion.

Go Pack!!

I've done my part. Chose the Pack in our weekly pick 'em contest at work. We're 3.5 point favorites. It's guaranteed we'll win by 2.

Can't wait to hit the bar at 9am!

Weekend conumdrum

Anderson is playing Pittsburgh.
Shit. Cant play my QB against my D.

Manning is playing the 'Bolts.
Shit. I would need him to get puntas, but that might put the Bolts @ 4-5.

Conversation Starter

So, it's time for mid-season reflection. Today's topic: Who was your first round draft pick and are they worth damn? I'm guessing the majority answers will be 'No' since I can recall 5 first rounders spotted on the waiver wire.

Marvin Harrison - bummer dude...played in five games and only one exceeded 10 points.

If I pull this shit-burger out of the fire

If I pull this shit-burger out of the fire

I will owe it all the Air McNair.

At this point, I owe Steve 9 points.
Thanks Steve. You da man!

UPDATE:
I think with that garbage TD given up to McGahee, Im down 11 going into the 2nd half.
Look out Sam Handwich -- watch for the Steeler backup to make a bunch of short passes to his reliable TE.
D up Beeches!!! No more garbage TDs!

LATE UPDATE
Alright
The D gave up 7, so Im not sure if that takes me to 6 or 7
They have 6 sacks, 1 interception, and 2 fumble recoveries.
I THINK the fumble recovery on special teams doesnt count.
Add in the 7 for Miller and Im still down 1.
Fucking shit-turd Charlie Batch couldnt hit his open check down.

Looks like everyone in the Elimination League

(except for the Sidekick) is pulling for a Pitt win over Baltimore.
But, they need much more than a win.
Baltimore needs to shut down Hines Ward & the other receivers, leaving the short passing lanes open for Heath Miller!

this is where my fanhood takes me:

OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) -- Whether it's in a starting role or relief, Sage Rosenfels once again saved his best for the fourth quarter.

Now the kicker here is that Sage's brother Jeremiah taught world history and civics at my school for three years. Yes, I have been on many a drunken evening with the brother of the latest quarterback to kill my beloved Oakland.. . how it evily comes around!

Help me Kevin Curtis, you're my only hope!

So thanks to F.A.P., or Purple Jesus as Mr. Pooler affectionately calls his late round 40 point work horse, Im down about 39.
Also, fuck you Cleveland coaches.
WHO THE FUCK RUNS THE BALL WHEN YOU HAVE THE #3 FANTASY QB ON YOUR ROSTER!!!
Throw that fucking ball!!!

Anyhoo, it looks like Heath Miller, the Pitt D, and Kevin Curtis need to man up and get me 13 puntas each.

*** SITE ADMIN NOTE***
Down 26 going into MNF w. the Pitt D and Heath Miller, both up against Baltimore.

FUCKING ADRIAN FUCKING PETERSON!!!

Trade proposal - show me what you got.

Manning
10 Sun, Nov 11 at San Diego
11 Sun, Nov 18 Kansas City
12 Thu, Nov 22 at Atlanta
13 Sun, Dec 2 Jacksonville
14 Sun, Dec 9 at Baltimore
15 Sun, Dec 16 at Oakland
16 Sun, Dec 23 Houston
17 Sun, Dec 30 Tennessee


Anderson
10 Sun, Nov 11 at Pittsburgh
11 Sun, Nov 18 at Baltimore
12 Sun, Nov 25 Houston
13 Sun, Dec 2 at Arizona
14 Sun, Dec 9 at NY Jets
15 Sun, Dec 16 Buffalo
16 Sun, Dec 23 at Cincinnati
17 Sun, Dec 30 San Francisco

Anderson definitely has an easier, QB friendly schedule, so show me what your willing to trade for Peyton Manning, probably both a RB & WR, and I'll give it some serious thought.

Thats right. I said it. Again.

D-E-R-E-K A-N-D-E-R-S-O-N.
Starting.
Oakland.

I figure - As much as I think the Colts are gonna beat the Pats, I still hope they do it with the running game.

Trade Deadline

Should we have one, or do we just let it ride for the rest of the season? Unfortunately we have only had one trade. How can we encourage trades for the rest of the season or for future seasons? It seems that only Voodoo and Bakula are bringing this brand of excitement to the league.

Thoughts?